Lech L'Cha: making a bad situation worse

Parshat Lech L'Cha

In 16:5 we find Sarai having offered her maidservant Hagar to Avram. They lived together and Hagar became pregnant. Sarai complains to Avram "וַתֹּאמֶר שָׂרַי אֶל-אַבְרָם, חֲמָסִי עָלֶיךָ--אָנֹכִי נָתַתִּי שִׁפְחָתִי בְּחֵיקֶךָ, וַתֵּרֶא כִּי הָרָתָה וָאֵקַל בְּעֵינֶיהָ; יִשְׁפֹּט יְהוָה, בֵּינִי וּבֵינֶיךָ. " I gave my maidservant to you and when she saw she was pregnant, I was belittled in her eyes.

Sarai gave over Hagar for the purpose of her getting pregnant. Now that it worked and Hagar got pregnant she is upset!!?? That does not make sense. Sarai should have been overjoyed!?

We all need validation. Here was Sarai, upset, afraid she would never conceive, scared of a future with no children, etc.

Sarai was a צדקת and very unselfishly offered Hagar to Avram that at least he should have a child from her.

When Hagar got pregnant right away, it was a slight to Sarai. She now knew for sure the problem was with her. It made her feel bad. They could not have children because of her. All these years with nothing and this lowly maidservant gets pregnant right away!

Not only was her personal honor slighted, but "I was belittled in her eyes". She lost her complete standing and level of respect. Everybody could now see that Sarai was blemished.

Sarai need validation and Hagar getting pregnant immediately did damage to Sarai emotionally and cast even greater doubts in Sarai's mind.

We all have to treat people with due respect and not make them feel slighted or belittled. It only makes bad situations worse.

realistic solutions

Parshat Lech L'Cha

We experience Avram and Sarai going down to Egypt due to a famine in the Land of C'naan. As they approach Egypt, Avram devises a plan. He fears for his life, as Sarai is an exceptionally beautiful woman he expects that the Egyptians, desiring Sarai, would have him killed so she would be husbandless and then they would take her for marriage.

In 12:13 Avram comes up with a plan that, "Say you are my sister, thereby they will be good to me for you, and will let me live because of you."

Avram did not want to say they were married because that would put him in danger. They would desire Sarai and if she was married, they would kill her husband to release her from her marriage. By saying she is his sister, they would take Sarai but not kill Avram.

Was Avram so selfish and self-absorbed that he was only concerned about his own safety, and not of Sarai's? Was he so greedy that his concern was first "they will be good to me" which Rashi explains they will give me presents on your behalf even before he says "and they will let me live"?

I found the S'forno which seems to answer this question, at least in part. The S'forno explains that Avram said of we say we are married they will kill me and take you. By saying you are my sister, they will not kill me and they will also not take you. They will beseech me and ask for your hand in marriage and offer gifts as a bribe and goodwill so I will allow them to take you.

But I do not think that is enough to answer the question. Avram should have expected it to be dangerous for her even with the claim that she is a sister. Why? Because we see they claimed she was his sister and yet in 12:15 we see that they still took Sarai. Did Avram predict incorrectly?

I suspect that Sarai being taken by the Egyptians was a fait accompli, and Avram recognized that. He knew that no matter what he did, she would be taken. The only way to avoid it would be not to go down to Egypt, but that was not an option because of the famine spreading in the Land of C'naan. Instead of looking for an unrealistic solution to the problem, he looked for the best way to protect the two of them. By saying they were married, they would kill him and Sarai would be lost for good. By saying she is his sister, they would have no reason to kill him, even if they forcibly take her, and then he would still be around to fight for her release.

Take the lesson from Avram - don't waste your time searching for unrealistic solutions.