Va'Yeishev: benefit of the doubt

Parshat Va'Yeishev

In 39:11-18 we are told the story of how the wife of Potiphar tried to seduce Yosef into having an affair with her. he nearly succumbed, but resisted and escaped. She then claimed that he had tried to force himself on her, with strong circumstantial evidence, and Yosef ended up in jail.

Mrs. Potiphar's story was very convincing. There she is holding his clothes saying he had attacked her and when she screamed out he ran away. If you read such a report in the newspaper of amn attempted rape, you would surely have believed the story to be true. Any explanation the alleged rapist would offer would not even be entertained in your mind as possibly being true. You would say he is trying to confuse us to show his innocence and you would lock him away.

Yet we know that despite her elaborate explanation, the truth was really very different. And despite the truth, nobody believed Yosef, nobody even listened to Yosef, and he ended up in jail.

This story shows how important it is to be "dan l'kaf z'chus" - judge people favorably, giving them the benefit of the doubt. Even when Yosef looks 100% guilty, there is really a different explanation that was ignored. So even when someone looks guilty to you, and you inclined to consider him guilty, consider there might be another explanation to the events.

telling a parent what his kid is doing

Parshat Va'Yeishev

"ויבא יוסף את דבתם רעה אל אביהם" In 37:2 we start reading about the growing rift between Yosef and his brothers. Yosef woul dtell his father all the "bad" things they were involved in.

Why is this such a problem? As a parent, when one of my kids does something bad, I would like to be told so I could take corrective action. If my kid runs in the street or is seen doing something to hurt another child, etc. I would like to be told. So what was wrong with Yosef telling his father what they were doing? He wanted his father to be aware and take corrective action!

The reason it was considered bad of Yosef was because of his intentions. There is a way to tell over information for beneficial purposes in order to improve a situation and there is a way to tell over information when you are gloating or trying to undermine somebody.
Sometimes a parent will call up and say I saw your kid do this or that. If they have the intention of trying to help then their comments are appreciated and accepted. When their comments are in that gloating tone, so as to say your kid is wild or nasty or hurtful or you don't know how to raise your kids (and you can usually tell by the tone), etc, then the informations is resented.

That is what happened with Yosef. Yes the information was important and beneficial so yaakov could attempt to correct things. However his tone was one that indicated he was not doing it 100% with good intentions.